I'M LIKE A TRASHCAN, HOLDING ALL THE INFORMATION

Seen in the suburbs …

Happy Holidays from The Funbunker (and the late Wesley Willis).
merry-christmas

1. TV News in KC
According to at least one local station, Kansas City is the most dangerous place on Earth. You could …

Get shot
Die in a house fire
Die in a traffic accident
Get shot while trying to escape a burning house
Be set on fire, and then get shot
Get shot, set on fire, and then die in [...]

(Based on my experiences learning ‘Grand Theft Auto IV’)
9:19 a.m.: Pedestrian complains of suspicious man walking in circles in 500 block of South Mohawk Avenue.
9:25 a.m.: Unknown male punched street vendor after buying hot dog in 500 block of South Mohawk. Victim refused treatment.
9:27 a.m.: Sport-utility vehicle reported stolen near intersection of Mohawk and [...]